Seeking Him in the Life I Have

On October 31, I came across the Global Bible Month challenge—an invitation to read the Bible every day throughout November. I wasn’t looking for another project. But I’d been thinking for a while about studying Scripture more intentionally, particularly what it could teach me about living with chronic illness. Here was an invitation to begin.

This has been a year of searching and reflection. During my mom’s final days, I made a point of drawing closer to God, asking him to help me through what I couldn’t carry on my own. I wanted to grow in my faith. That desire has continued, and the more time I spend with him, the more I want.

I’ve seen the fruit in my own life. Peace. Clarity. More focus and drive. More love in how I respond to people. I find myself thinking of him throughout the day, thanking him for blessings I might once have hurried past, and considering him in decisions both large and small.

That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped having difficult days. I live with MS. I’ve also navigated depression. There have been walks when I’ve called on God to help me keep going, and days when my prayer has been much the same. Through those moments, I’ve experienced a peace that reaches beyond whatever is happening with my body or around me.

During my latest round of medical appointments, I felt heard by my doctors. That mattered to me, and it became another reason to pause and give thanks. I’m learning to bring the frustrations to God and to recognize the blessings when they come.

“Seek first the kingdom of God” has stayed with me since I chose that passage for my confirmation. I can’t fully explain what drew me to it then. But when I look back, and when I think about what comes next, that desire is still there: seek him.So I’m taking this month to explore how his Word can guide the life I’m actually living. How do I care for myself wisely? Receive help graciously? Respond when I’m frustrated? Use my experiences for good? How do I live with all of this to his glory?

I started by gathering passages and grouping them by themes. Then I read through the first group and noticed which ones made me pause. Each day, I’m spending time with a passage: reading the surrounding text, comparing translations, looking at commentary, and sometimes reaching for the dictionary. A familiar word can hold more than I realized when I slow down enough to consider it.

I write down my questions and reflections. Around midday, I return to my notes and underline what still resonates. At night, I think about the passage again and how it met me during the day. I’m enjoying having something to carry with me beyond the time I spent reading.

There’s a hope behind this, too. Eventually, I’d like to create a devotional for people living with chronic illness, drawing from Scripture and the ordinary experiences we recognize in one another. For now, this time is also for me. I’m hungry to learn, to grow, and to understand more deeply how God would have me live.

I stumble daily. I also have hope in Christ and in the life beyond this one. Tomorrow here isn’t guaranteed, which reminds me to pay attention to today—to love, give thanks, and use what I’ve been given. And when my life here ends, my hope is to be with him as his child.

That’s where I’m beginning this month: with peace, with questions, and with a desire for more time in his Word.In the companion devotion, “Seek First: Living Each Day to His Glory,” in Faith Between the Lines, I’m reflecting on Matthew 6:33 and what it can mean to seek God in the life we have today.